On Becoming an “After”

For the past four years, I’ve been working on becoming an “after.”

I’ve written about the process here on No Thanks to Cake, and after all this time, I’m still not there.  I’m still not that 91-pound weight loss success story that I had my eyes on when I started this journey nearly 4 years ago.  And, that kinda sucks…

I’ll tell you what doesn’t suck though…  I’ve lost 65 lbs. and kept it off for 3 years now.  Given, I’ve allowed an extra 15 lbs to creep back up on me, but it’s not 16, not 17, and not 18.  So, still a mark in the WIN category, if you ask me.

And, I do have my “after”… pictures don’t lie 🙂

Something that I don’t write about here on NTTC is the fact that I’ve just wanted to be “done with the process” for a while now.  I’ve wanted to just lose the darn weight and close that chapter.  How great does it sound to dramatically slam that book closed and deem myself “cured” after all???

Being “done” in my head might mean that I could smother my food once again with real ranch dressing, eat with total disregard of calorie count, or maybe even become attached to my couch again.  Oh, the lies I’ve told myself… and the food part is just the beginning…

Like many others, most of my life I’ve prescribed to the belief that “Once I lose weight (fill in the blank) will become possible.”  For me, it could be that I’d have it all, or that I’d finally meet Mr. Wonderful (real talk: where the eff is he??), or even that all my challenges would melt away.

I’ve always sort of felt that it was in fact the weight that was holding me back.  Looking for a great way to debunk the myth?  Lose the weight and see what happens.

For me, I was sort of dumbfounded.  I had always thought that the weight was the problem.  Surely, it was the weight that was holding me back… but the harsh reality met me on the scale 65 pounds into the process.

[pinterest]Losing the weight simply exposed the issues even more… and it was a lot to navigate.  And, I realized that the challenges I was having were more about the person staring back at me in the mirror.

That’s why I started working with my life coach Betsy Fry.  Yes, I wanted to go after all of my dreams and I wanted her to help guide my way… but I also needed help adjusting to my body in its new state, to understanding why I was “stuck,” and ultimately, to figure out what I needed to do next, since the eternal “lose weight” to-do item has been removed from my to-do list…

Betsy came at just the right time and lovingly listened to me ramble about my challenges, while offering tactical suggestions for how to move forward.  She also help me cut through the bull$#*+ that I had been telling myself, teaching me to separate emotion from the challenges, and put steps in place to drive change.  A few weeks ago, I gave away two coaching sessions with Betsy – – Congrats, Bri!!  Just as a reminder, winning sessions is not the only way to work with Betsy.  Her door is open, if you need her.  One of the best decisions I made last year…

Undeniably and absolutely… YES!  It already has.  

For me, I now recognize that “finishing” is never an option.  I’m officially done trying to become an “after.”  Realistically, the day I consider myself to be done, I would guess is the day that I breathe my last breath.  Not to be dramatic, but don’t we all work every single day to be a little better than we were yesterday??  It’s that spirit of continuous improvement that will carry me into my next adventure, and the one after that… I don’t plan to ever be done anymore.

I have to tell you though.  Right now, I’m working on a hell of an improvement project that is shaping up to have some great results.

For the past few days, I’ve felt sincerely, optimistically, and completely inspired.  I’ve been eating well.  I’ve found my way to the gym.  I’ve even found my way back to Jenny.

I’m taking the steps to move forward with losing those 15 lbs I’ve gained back.  And, this time, I’m powered by how great my body feels when I work out and when I fuel it with healthy foods.

So, here’s to progress… and continuous improvement.  If it was easy, everyone would be successful.  In the end, the challenge of the process will make the victory that much sweeter!