I posted a few months back about my 2018 weight loss challenges. After trying my best to lose weight on the Weight Watchers program, I found myself 6 months in with only 6 pounds lost. I was super frustrated (to put it mildly.)
I was mostly upset that I had failed at this program that was so popular worldwide, and that so many people raved about. I struggled with the FREEDOM tied to the program, but stayed the course as long as I could before finally throwing in the towel after half a calendar year.
After finally saying goodbye to Weight Watchers, I was completely demotivated. In my mind, I felt that whether I ate healthily or not, the weight was not going to budge, so why bother? So I pouted and indulged, sometimes enjoying a bottle of rosé. Other times, a quick drive thru or a Starbucks cookie would soothe my craving. Like a rebelling teenager, I was “fighting back” in a way that was only detrimental to myself.
If I’m honest, it’s not often that I outright fail at something to which I give my all. At the end of this process, I felt a like a failure.
Social media didn’t help me along the way, scrolling through to see member after member losing 2, 3, 4 pounds a week and describing it as effortless. While I am always excited to see my friends succeed, I felt cheated. I had offered so much effort, turned my world upside down, and got very little in return. Thoughts rolled through my head wondering what the heck was wrong with me. If it worked for everyone else, why the heck didn’t I see the same success?
Maybe there was something physiologically wrong with me, I thought. I decided to get the professionals involved. Could I have a hormonal or thyroid imbalance causing the issue? Confession: I’d never had a wellness blood panel done and at the ripe age of 41; it was time. I went to my doctor and finally said yes to conducting bloodwork. Slightly terrified of needles, I survived the process and waited a few days to see what the doctor’s tests revealed.
Another confession: I was hoping they’d find something was causing this weight gain/stall.
While medical problems are on the top of my list for fears, I was hoping that there was a treatment plan that would help this weight just magically fall off. I secretly envisioned my life on incredible medications that would help me to achieve ideal internal health, while helping me to fit back into those amazing red pants that I had been dreaming about.
A week later and after not hearing a thing, I called the doctor in a panic and completely afraid of what they might tell me. The nurse called back quickly and advised that I’d be receiving a detailed letter in the mail shortly but that she’d be happy to share the results. She rattled off a series of numbers, highlighting cholesterol numbers, cardiac risk quotients, and thyroid stats. While I’m far from a medical doctor, what registered to me was that she used the word “excellent” five times and the word “normal” twice. I later found a letter in my mailbox with the same numbers, complete with a smiley face.
To be clear, having excellent statistics is really all anyone could ever want. We all know that those are the numbers that really count. While I whine that there was no magic pill, I am proud of those numbers… and thrilled that my veggie-heavy eating habits are benefitting me so well these days.
Still, my scale continued to stare back at me with bigger and bigger numbers as the days passed. My pants continued to get more snug, and it felt like my red pant dreams started to fade into the distance.
While I’d slammed the book closed on Weight Watchers, I wasn’t yet ready to give up on my goals. I’m still not. I had, however, decided to stop pouting and do something about it (which I’ll tell you more about tomorrow.)