Sometimes I think a lot about what I’m going to write before I write it. It’s usually those breakthrough moments, those I-have-something-so-great-to-post-about situations, or those therapeutic, heartfelt posts that I’m bursting to write.
Today, I write the latter. Now, beginning sentence four… I can’t really guarantee therapy or emotion, but I know that it’s something I feel like I need to write from my heart and something I’ve been trying to think of how to express properly for days.
2018 was never supposed to be a year of struggle. 2018 was the year that I jumped on the diet bandwagon and joined Weight Watchers where I could eat copious amounts of free foods and could dive into my kitchen cooking up a storm of beautifully, healthy dishes. It was going to be year 41… that year where I got my weight back to where I wanted it to be and Weight Watchers was the guaranteed, Oprah-endorsed ticket to achieving it. Year-to-date, it’s been far from that.
Much of my inspiration to join the big WW was tied to the fact that I had seen so many people on social media lose weight on Weight Watchers. I read so many posts about WW wins. Men and women alike have shared their #transformationtuesday and week after week, they continue to lose weight. Like all the things we see on social media, I believed that I could have that too if I just joined this new program. The harsh reality: Weight loss posts are often a highlight reel, showcasing those motivating moments and drenched in sharing success. End of day on social media, there’s a tendency to create a “best of” story (whether the topic is weight loss or family life or any other topic.) The gritty, real posts are always the ones that have me hitting the like button. Those same gritty, real posts are the ones that connect me to my people, to others on a similar, relatable path.
Inspired by all the success stories, I knew it was time to join Weight Watchers to try something new. I researched recipes. I food prepped. I became more physically active than I’ve been in years, pounding the pavement and walking around local lakes.
The first few weeks were super slow. I took it with a stride, and enjoyed the fact that I was sticking to this new program. I talked excitedly with my friends who were also on the program, comparing tips and tricks, and I confessed to the blogosphere that I was making a change.
And then, NOTHING.
Weeks passed, months passed, and while I was thrilled with the fact that I was eating healthy foods again, cooking beautiful dishes, and walking several times a week. I lost very little weight – – think single digits over a six month period.
Ironically, I feel like I’m eating healthier than I have in years – – colorful, healthful meals every single day, multiple times a day. I am starting to wonder if my metabolism is just exhausted (because my brain certainly is.) Living a life where I am constantly making healthy choices and not seeing results can be frustrating. I’m starting to see the sacrifice in resisting that second glass of rosé, the disappointment in declining every fried food on the planet, and the exhaustion of choosing an effing salad when I really want the flatbread. I don’t really even want to eat those things, but I definitely consider them a trade off to a healthy lifestyle. A healthy lifestyle that I can’t seem to bring to reality.
Breaking it down, really simply: I’m working way too hard to not be seeing any results.
In defense of this program, I have had a significant amount of stress in 2018. I made the decision to walk away from a job that was destroying my spirit and leapt toward a new opportunity that’s in a whole new industry for me professionally. While I released one significant stressor, I added another. We all know how positive and generous cortisol is. As the stress hormone, it battles weight loss pretty well and could be contributing here. Just the same, I have to believe that the benefit to my mental health tied to this change is worth every bit of stress I’ve felt throughout the past several months.
Kindly, I’m sure I could sweat more, drink more water, consume more fiber, eat less chicken, or just freakin try harder. If you’re tempted to suggest any of these things, let me remind you that in 6 months… I’ve lost less than 10 lbs and I’ve experimented quite a bit. My body’s just not liking the program. My body’s resisting everything and holding onto this weight for dear life.
So, it’s time to shop for a new approach to losing this weight. I’m convinced that I need to get some professional support in deciding my next steps. Bloodwork, metabolic testing, there’s got to be a reason for what I’m seeing here. Heck, maybe my doctor will tell me I’m healthy at my current weight and a vision of health… but I’m guessing there’s an alternate path I need to follow, and I’m determined to find it.
So, that’s where I’m at these days. I don’t have an answer to what’s next, but I’m planning to find it soon.