One of the most breakthrough moments for me at Fitbloggin happened during an impromptu “lobby talk” session that I hosted with these fabulous people:
It wasn’t something I planned, I just knew I hadn’t had a chance to chat enough with everyone about what they were working on. So, I invited everyone to the lobby to chat with me, if they were available.
In a crazy bit of synchronicity, familiar faces appeared as well as a few people that I’d never met before and in moments, we were a party of twenty. Too large for the small seating area, we migrated into a comfy meeting room just off the lobby.
While everyone was sharing what was going on in their worlds, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to share. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to communicate that I was working on… because for now, there’s not much.
So often, I just go, go, go… and taking a moment to pause and articulate where I was brought a wave of emotion, and brought to reality the things that were on my mind.
When Dre asked me what’s going on with me. I immediately took a breath, started speaking, and then started crying. There is so much going on in my world that is absolutely wonderfu (cue the Happiness Tour soundtrack!) Seriously, I have so much to be grateful, it’s ridiculous.
But what I’m struggling with most is identifying about what’s next in this journey of mine.
Recently, with the Yahoo! Health feature and the Redbook magazine article… I’ve questioned my success. It’s amazing when you publish your story externally, you open yourself up for additional criticism that you haven’t really experienced before. And while they’re complete nonsense, once you read rude, troll-like comments… they stick with you. And, if you’re me… it can break your stride. It can cause you to wonder what you’re doing. It makes you wonder if you’re worthy to be featured as a weight loss success story. Real Talk: I’m still twenty pounds from my goal. I’m not at what is considered to be a healthy BMI. And, I’m not obsessively working to get there. Yep, that’s the reality, but here’s what’s more: I’m still SEVENTY-ONE pounds from where I started. I’m more active than I ever thought I’d be. I’m happy in my skin. You heard me: I’m happy. And, as Emily reminded me that night… I’m living! And, as Dani popped in to say, there were tons of nice comments in addition to the haters. And, while they all said the things that I clearly knew in my head. I needed to hear from my people… that it was ok. That I was ok. Truth is… I live in my happy little bubble. When people start to poke holes in it, I become fragile… and I start to believe things that I shouldn’t. So… I walked out that night shedding a few tears, my head held high, and feeling like I had released some unhelpful energy I had been carrying around. During that moment, I left knowing ultimately decide what my weight is. That’s the beauty of this process. I know how to lose, and I know what makes me gain. And, perhaps more importantly, I walked out knowing that it’s not about the weight. When and if I’m ready to lose again, I’ll do it. For now, I’m just going to embrace how far I’ve come… and love this beautiful life I’m living. So, Taylor… I’ve effectively shaken it off this go ’round. And, I have my Fitbloggin Tribe to thank.