It’s the end of the year, and we only have a few days left.
It’s time for me to get my list of resolutions together and reflect upon the previous year. I love where I am at compared to last year. I’ve lost more weight; I’ve gotten healthier. Things in my healthy living journey are going well for the most part.
But still, I wonder…
Sometimes, I really just wonder what I’m waiting for.
I know exactly what I need to eat to lose the last of my weight to achieve my Jenny Craig goal. But, I haven’t been doing it for some time. Yes, part of it is being comfortable and happy in my new smaller body, but at the same time, I think there’s something more.
I’m probably 13-15 lbs away from my goal now due to some holiday splurging, vacation eating, and those darn Lindor truffles that were in the breakroom today. But that is SOOOOO close! It’s within reach!
Since I was about 10 years old, I have been told I needed to lose weight. I’m sure at that point, it was baby fat and precautionary… but I was always the one who “needed to go on a diet” with my mom for as long as I remember. The weight really became a problem when I was about 14, when I moved to Tennessee. That weight gain was completely fueled by emotional eating, as have been the majority of my gains over the years. I learned to soothe myself with food at a young age, and kicked it up a notch in my teenage years and it was a perfect storm for me to reach one of my highest weights (and in turn, one of my lowest lows.)
All that being said… I’ve been trying to lose weight for 20 years now.
It’s what I do. I lose weight.
I constantly try to make good eating choices.
I try to avoid chips and spoonfuls of peanut butter.
What exactly would I do if I didn’t have weight to lose?
Yes… I know this may sound crazy to some of you. When I get to my goal, I celebrate, I maintain, I exercise. I agree wholeheartedly. I would most certainly do these things… but at the end of the day, I’ve been on a “diet” for most of my adult life. Can I hit a point where I’m moving on to other things I want to accomplish?
When do I put this monster to rest?
Right now, I’ve picked out a cage for that pesky guy… and he kind of wanders around it. He hasn’t gone in yet. He dances around the entrance, but he just wont go in there.
I write about this today because it’s weighed on my mind heavily throughout the day… and I’m not sure I have an answer. And, sometimes writing about it can be therapeutic for me.
Of course, it’s incredibly personal… but so is carrying extra weight. It’s never about the cookies, it’s never about the chips. It’s not about the food at all. That’s just a symptom.
Rationally, I absolutely know that I should power through to 165… and that hitting that goal will be incredibly fulfilling. I also know I have the ability to be incredibly happy where I am at right now for a very long time, if I let myself.
I still have a lot of questions to explore within, but what I know is that this story is far from over. 2013 will be the year where I come to terms with it, and the year I cage that beast.
More than caging the beast, 2013 is the year I set myself free….
Do you find that you are holding yourself back from reaching your goals (weight loss or otherwise)?