My Current Struggle

I’m struggling a little bit this week.

I’m having trouble with not feeling NORMAL.

You heard me: NORMAL.

Sometimes, I just want to go out to lunch with a co-worker and not feel a little guilty when I eat a few fried pickle chips.

One day, I want to feel okay accepting plans with friends that involves food and alcohol without first thinking about my weigh-in, what the impact will be, what I will be eating, etc.

I feel like this is what NORMAL people do.  People who are CAREFREE… people who are LIVING.

The interesting thing:  I know that the people who do behave as I’ve described to be “normal” in most cases aren’t trying to lose weight.  They haven’t just lost 80 lbs.  They’re not actively participating in a weight loss program.

Also, in reality… while they may not stress about what’s for lunch, about how they’re going to work off the breadsticks they ate, there are other things that worry them.

So, why do I compare myself to these people who clearly have different goals than I do??  Deep down, I know I shouldn’t… but I still do.  I hate saying no to social outings, and frankly… I wanted to eat pizza this week.

So… I did!  This week, I had dinner with Tiffany, and I did what I usually do… I led with a restaurant choice that has healthy choices. When she suggested we try Sexy Pizza… how could I really say no??  I mean, yes… I wanted to have pizza, and Sexy Pizza sounded delish!

Now, we ate pretty well.  We split a salad (avoiding that cheese) and each ate two pieces of pizza.  In my past, I would have easily devoured about 1/2 of that pie, but I just don’t eat like that anymore…

Even though that was pretty good, I felt horrible about it.  For maintaining my weight, this meal is totally doable… but when I’m trying to lose, extra sodium and extra calories don’t typically lend to a positive weigh-in.  Food guilt is the WORST.

On the positive side:  I packed great snacks every day of the week and really stayed on track during the days.  I even avoided a Chick-fila catered lunch… that’s impressive!

So… how did my weigh-in go?  Well, I didn’t go.  The scale and I had a disagreement on Saturday morning, and I just didn’t feel like going to Jenny Craig and talking about it.  I knew what happened this week.  I knew that I hadn’t been to the gym all week long.  I hadn’t forgotten I ate the pizza, and I knew that I wasn’t in the mood to drive across town to rehash what I already knew.

So… I skipped the weigh in.

I decided to instead do what I needed on Saturday, and I decided not to compare it to what “normal” people would have done… or to what I “should” have done… I took the day off.

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  1. I always have the same feelings with food guilt and how even going to at a restaurant with friends can really throw you off. We stopped by a friends house yesterday and she baked cookies for us and even mentioned that she baked them just for us to enjoy while we were there- I wasn’t craving a sweet nor was I really hungry, but I felt super guilty if I didn’t eat one. And then I in turn felt super guilty immediately after eating it. Sometimes I just have to turn my anxiety-ridden brain off and just go with the flow!

    • nothankstocake says:

      Isn’t that the worst? Feeling guilty for not being part of the group, and then guilty because you weren’t true to yourself… singing my song, girl!

  2. I completely understand and am proud of you for enjoying dinner with Tiffany. I’ve been reading the book “how to have your cake and your skinny jeans too”. It has honestly been life changing! Stay focused in your goals! Remember, change is not linear.

    • nothankstocake says:

      I don’t tend to skip outings with friends too often… it’s just too fun. Now eating the wrong things when I have a weigh in around the corner… that’s a little tricky. Love the “change is not linear.” :)

  3. Jen says:

    I can relate to this post so much; I’ve never been overweight or had to lose a significant amount of weight, but recently I started tracking my calories to supplement my running. I had to stop eventually because I got so caught up in the numbers and felt guilty for going 20, 30 calories over my quota it started really messing with my mind. I don’t know if everyone feels that same anxiety at times, but it helps to know that at least a few know what I’m going through.

  4. Jillian says:

    I can also relate. I have struggle with weightloss and now I am down 40 lbs because I have come to realize that yes, I want to be normal but I am not. I love food, and I gain weight easily with wrong food choices. I am not like everyone else, I am different and have different goals. It stinks but that’s life. Good luck, you’ve come a long way!

    • nothankstocake says:

      I like what you said about now we just have different goals. That it stinks, but it is what it is… Thanks for sharing, dear, and CONGRATS on your 40 lb loss!

  5. Ryan says:

    Well, weigh in or not, gain, loss, maintain, pizza, no pizza, etc. besides all that you are still damn sexy, Kelly! Obviously there is much more to life than being a babe but that’s my opinion on the matter…

    • nothankstocake says:

      Hilarious! I’ll let the scale know that’s the case… and maybe I’ll get a pass for this week. :)

  6. Jen G says:

    Totally understand and can relate! On top of that, it isn’t fun to go to a restaurant anymore when all I order is a salad with dressing on the side. Boring!

    • nothankstocake says:

      There is a “fun” element associated with food, isn’t there? I think that’s why I cook so much now. It gives me a chance to find healthy alternatives to the food I used to love… Salads can be fun. You just have to find the right one!!

  7. Katie says:

    I totally understand your struggle here but after reading this, I have to say, you are doing a great job at living the healthy lifestyle that we all are trying to achieve. You ate reasonably at the pizza place (I love that name – Sexy Pizza, how could you resist) and didn’t go overboard. You recognize that you may have indulged then and didn’t work out enough, now this week you can focus on your workouts. I know it’s easier said than done, but you are living the way you are supposed to! If you had eaten 4 slices and no salad, then I would say you had reason to feel guilty :) Keep up the good work!!!

    • nothankstocake says:

      Seriously… how can you not go to a place called Sexy Pizza?? :) I will tell you, I totally wanted a few more slices, but kept my eating under control. Also, I am SO ready to get back to the gym. We’ve had wintry weather for the past week which has totally gotten in my way! Onto the next week!

  8. Katelyn says:

    Hey, I totally feel ya! I miss that feeling too of not over analyzing every single thing I eat. It’s frustrating, but honestly, I’ve accepted that food is a problem for me. As much as alcohol is for others, food is an addiction. It’s something I’ll have to work at every day forever. And yeah, maybe sometimes you don’t feel “normal” with all the people around you, but you’ve got internet friends who are just the same as you so take comfort in that and stay strong!

    • nothankstocake says:

      I’ve made that connection between food and alcohol before. I really do think that food can be an addiction, as you’ve described. Thank goodness for healthy living friends and internet friends!!!

  9. helen says:

    Know exactly how you feel, I completely struggle with social situations and going out with my friends who don’t over analyze and sytruggle with food and drink choices like I do. I’m already freaking out about being invited to a happy hour on friday…which I hate!! I should totally be able to go out and not think about every single calorie in every sip of a drink that I have.

    I was actually really proud of myself this weekend in which I celebrated my birthday – I went out to dinner on Saturday (after doing two long workouts) and was able to stay in control without going to crazy. Although I drank way too much and let myself enjoy Sunday brunch without freaking out about the turkey club sandwich, I was ok with my decisions, and, most importantly for me, did not let the frozen yogurt I also had turn into a whole binge eating session (which I seriously struggle with).

    Thanks for sharing this post and being so honest – because I know exactly how you feel and am happy that I am not the only one who struggles with this!!!

    • nothankstocake says:

      Hi Helen – Happy Hour is the hardest (and the most fun!) Especially, as we know… there will be drinks and usually calorie-rich appetizers looking at us. Come up with a plan… that’s my best advice (although I skipped a happy hour last week for this reason.)

      I really try to be honest about my journey here… it’s not all butterflies and daisies. But in the end, we get there! xoxo

  10. Kathy says:

    I can relate. It is hard. I really want to just live like everyone else and not think about food so much. I become obsessed with food, etc. Not healthy.
    It sounds like you were in control and made wise choices.

    • nothankstocake says:

      It’s interesting though. We want to live like everyone else, but we’re not willing to sacrifice our health or be overweight… such a catch 22.

  11. DebO says:

    I don’t know if this is helpful, but even people you might perceive as behaving “normal” could be thinking about these things. I watch the scale and once I get to the top of what I consider my acceptable range, like I am now, I take countermeasures to get back down closer to the bottom of the range. I think everyone has “good” and “bad” days. How does one let go of the guilt, stop beating oneself up, and feel OK with good and bad days? I don’t have an answer. You sure look good to me.

    • nothankstocake says:

      This totally makes sense to me… and is where I hope to end up at a certain point. There are always gives and takes… but in the end, I’ll keep my eye on it like you do. :) Like a checking account almost… calories in, calories out. One day, now the guilt and hesitation… that’s something I hope will come with practice. Thanks for sharing your story. Helpful!!

    • nothankstocake says:

      We need to start doing yoga again on Thursdays, I think… :)

  12. Kristen says:

    I appreciate your honesty – it’s an ongoing struggle and we all have our moments. Instead of sugar coating it you kept it real. THAT I find inspiring. You’ll be ok and back on track in no time :-)

  13. Angela says:

    It’s a struggle I deal with as well. After 2 kids and losing 100lbs I have a sheer determination to keep the weight off and maintain my fitness/health goals.

    I used to LOVE eating out (and we ate out a lot which contributed to my former weight). I have got to a point now where I’m more comfortable if I prepare my own meals. If I go out w/ a friend to eat (which I seem to avoid) I order a salad w/ dressing on the side. I always feel it’s safe.

  14. Sorry for the delay in commenting, I’m catching up on my reader… When I first reached my goal weight, I felt relieved to finally be “normal.” I felt like I had arrived and could now do and eat whatever. Over several months I gained back 16 pounds. 16!! I learned that I am just not one of those people who can not worry about what they eat. I mourned that for a while, and thats ok. I love reading your blog because we are so much alike. Thanks for writing another awesome post. You are beautiful!

  15. tania says:

    such a relatable post, and clearly so many of us struggle with.
    i sometimes “dread” social functions because of this; and try to alter plans, even something simple like dinner plans with my husband if its before a weigh in.
    ive been so focused for 3 plus months, and the hardwork has resulted in a 35lb loss, but something this past week just made me resort to my old ways, coupled with the fact that i pulled a muscle and am out of the gym for a few weeks- i guess i felt sorry for myself and excused myself from keeping on track, but back to it! its such a struggle we all deal with; and unless someone has been there they have no idea of how much it weighs on you daily, mentally and emotionally!


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