I surprised myself and went to weigh in on Saturday morning. I hadn’t scheduled time with Amalia for Saturday because I had a bunch of plans in the morning. When plans changed, I made a quick run to Jenny to weigh-in. And, I was so glad that I did!
This Week’s Loss: - 1.0 lbs
Total Weight Loss: - 84.6 lbs
Even with the crazy week away from home with decadent dining out, unplanned meals, and REAL DEAL pizza… I was able to recover from my trip and lose a pound!
I felt like this on Saturday morning
Now, the rest of the weekend… I wish I could say that I was disciplined in my eating and I leveraged this loss to work on that last 6 pounds until goal. I COULD tell you that… but I’d be lying.
It’s been a really hard eating weekend. I had one of those Saturdays where I ate too much, and honestly, I know that I wasn’t just eating food. I was eating my feelings.
One thing that I didn’t expect about Fitbloggin’ is that it got me to think about my weight gain. I don’t spend much time in that space. I tend to focus on the positive and to focus on the losing process. In reality, for me to have gained as much weight as I did, there are certainly some skeletons in the closet. Skeletons that I’ve refused to look at for years and years.
Over the weekend, a few conversations with close friends had me thinking more about it. Thinking about those FEELINGS and attempting to understand them brought up so much more than I had expected.
Some of it, I clearly remember. Some of it, I suspect. And more than anything, I feel like I know my triggers. I know my behaviors. Now it’s just a matter of what I do with this information.
I also know that some of the issues I’ve experienced go way back to this girl.
When I look at my relationship with food, I know that even today it’s wildly unhealthy. It’s gotten SO much better, but I know that it’s a conscious decision EVERY SINGLE DAY to eat well.
Here’s a shocker:
Just because I’ve lost 85 lbs doesn’t mean I wake up craving lettuce.
I also know that my trigger for eating excess food is to cover up how I feel. This is a habit I started before I even knew what a habit was, and one I wish every day that I’d never learned. If you’ve never experienced emotional eating, I know you’ve experienced Thanksgiving and I’ll use it to explain what it’s like.
Picture it, Thanksgiving day: You’ve eaten that big meal, that extra serving of turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy. You know your mom is cleaning up the kitchen, but you just want to… well, lay on the couch. You feel lethargic. Worse than that, your mind isn’t sharp. You’re physically lazy and your mind doesn’t process as well. Seriously, is it even a good meal when you feel like that?
For someone who is an emotional eater, you unconsciously recreate the “Thanksgiving effect” over and over again. Afterall, food brings pleasure. It stimulates all those places in your mind that bring you satisfaction. And, when you’re feeling emotional, you subconsciously seek pleasure where you can find it. And, sometimes, that’s in the form of a big greasy hamburger snack. I say “snack” because when you’re eating poorly, the hamburger is just the beginning of it.
Two years into this journey, my emotional eating is under control about 95% of the time. And, when I have episodes of emotional eating, they’re so much different than in the past. This weekend, for example, I overate… with excess snacks. And, my snacks aren’t those 800 calorie snacks of the past… but that doesn’t make me feel any healthier about it.
End of day, my goal is to find ways to cope with the emotions when they come up. As for this weekend, I know the trip through the drive thru at Panda Express to get spring rolls was triggered by emotion. And this morning at Starbucks, the 390-calorie slice of pumpkin bread were triggered by emotion as well.
I share this with you because it’s something I want to learn more about. Something I want to explore more… something I’d like to build stronger defense mechanisms against.
I also share this story because I know I can’t be the only one trying to cope with it. I’ve read entire books about the topic. I’ve read articles in magazines. I’ve read other bloggers’ commentary on their experience. Now, I just need to practice what I’ve learned, to execute the new positive habits.
They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Maybe it takes about 21 times of fighting the urge to emotionally eat to conquer it once and for all. That’s my plan. And, let’s begin counting, folks….
Do you struggle with emotional eating? What healthy ways have you found to circumvent it?
nothankstocake
nothankstocake
nothankstocake
nothankstocake
I definitely struggle with emotional eating, but I haven’t found a way to overcome it yet. I don’t binge as often as I used too, but they still come out of nowhere on occasion. I just hope that it will eventually get better as I get healthier
It will get better. It already has now that you know you do it… keep plugging away at it and try to be mindful. That’s what I do. Sometimes the spring rolls win, but most days… I do.
You are a source of inspiration for me. The word that comes to mind when I think about you is Grace. You seem to be doing the weight loss hustle with such Grace!
I read this (shhhh…) as I was driving into work today, and I sort of gasped. What a lovely compliment. I certainly don’t feel graceful most days… so, what a compliment! xoxo
I agree Kiki! The only thing that helps me, is shopping. But why must I trade one bad habit for another?? Very interested in what else you find out about this stuff Kell.
I’m SHOCKED to hear you say that you shop, Robin.
Such an issue for me and one I have to consciously recognize when it is happening to me and seek alternative behaviors that include but are not limited to: exercise, retail therapy, curling up with a book, calling a friend/confident/partner, work, self-care (mani/pedi), etc…. Having said all this though I have moments where I am climbing the walls and a good old fashion cry and pity party fits the bill but I am not always as successful just like you Kelly and having the capacity to be aware and be kind to yourself in these moments so you learn and grow is so excellent on your part. Take care and be well.
Awesome feedback, Marion. And, know… I’m not always as successful as I could be. I just keep trying though. That’s really all we can do. xoxo
I don’t know the answer either unfortunately… I have a feeling I will be struggling with this for the rest of my life. I don’t have any reason in my past for eating unhealthy. I do think I am addicted to sugar and have a problem with that trigger. I think it is so brave and admirable of you to write your true feelings on your blog as you know a lot of us are going through this very issue! Thank you for creating a dialog and a safe place to discuss it.
Thanks, Mara… what’s crazy is that it was all that was on my mind. There was really nothing else I could write. I’m just honored that you guys appreciated my commentary for what it was… and can relate.
Actually, I wish no one could relate and that emotional eating didn’t exist, but since I live in the real world…
This is a great post. I am a huge emotional eater. Sometimes, I don’t even know what feelings I am trying to medicate. I just happens sometimes and I don’t even know why I am doing it at the time. I am not good an looking inward all the time an analyzing. Therefore, I don’t have healthy suggestions to circumvent the trap. But, I know it’s what I do and I need to repair it, and knowing is half the battle!
Thanks for taking a moment to comment. It’s so awesome to know I’m not alone in this… seriously.
Have been reading AITY btw… and so loving your story. I need to comment more, but I just love what I’ve read so far. Hoping to see you in Portland next year!
I am hoping to make it! I will be saving my dollars now!
Congratulations on shedding one pound while on vacation!! I’m impressed.
Yes, I am also an emotional eater. I recently realized that there isn’t enough food in the world to fill the occasional hole in my heart. Reminding myself of that when I’m fixing to overeat has helped me.
Next time you think spring rolls will help you, call me and let’s go shopping…or, better yet, for a walk. We can find a park between us to meet at. Crown Hill, perhaps?
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Focus on your awesome accomplishment!
Seriously, let’s do this! Let’s plan to get together soon!
Emotional overeating is an issue for so many people… including me! I find that the emotion that triggers my overeating more than other is simple boredom! When I am bored, I want to eat…. to eat evil, evil things! Perhaps it would be helpful to emotional overeaters to identify their trigger emotion(s). I know there is not one quick fix, but perhaps this is a good first step for all of us. Keep researching and share your findings! It seems that a lot of us loyal readers are interested in this topic!
Good luck to all and keep on sharing tips. We can only help & support each other with our daily struggles.
Thanks, Ang… I get the boredom thing too. Happens to me too, but I feel like I’m on the go so much, it’s rare that true boredom sinks in. PS… the same should be true for you, busiest lady I know!!!!
Recognizing the situation as it’s happening seems like a key to the solution. When I want something that I know I don’t need (usually it’s more like a glass of wine, which I’ve been cutting back on, or a full-calorie soda), I make myself wait a while. For example, for now, I’ll have a glass of water with dinner and then see what I feel like. Many times I lose interest and the urge passes. I also think about the extra puffiness those empty/extra calories are going to give me and I can usually decide they aren’t worth it.
Good luck with your particular situation. You’re strong and can do anything you set your mind to.
Good strong advice! I wish I could say no more often… still a work in progress, I guess!
But getting closer! We need some yoga nights soon, btw…
It’s crazy that I’ve been reading your blog for a year now and this is the first time I’ve decided to comment. I started my weight loss journey a year ago in September. I started reading your blog because you were doing the jenny diet which I did as well the first month… After that I pretty much just made healthier choices and worked out 5 or 6 days a week… I am down 40lbs now and every time I get close to losing more, I tend to sabotage myself… I will be like OMG I JUST SAW 150.4 ON THE SCALE.. I GET A REWARD! (and I reward myself with food) Not good when you are an over eater to begin with… then I will want more food because i just ate the crap food.. which will have me eating like crap for a couple of weeks.. now its not as bad as I used to eat but its still not the best choices… I only have about 10 lbs to go (or when my stomach is flat lol) and its a struggle every day… I appreciate your blog and it helps me to get back on the horse when I fall off with a cupcake! lol
I loved this comment, and the fact that I finally got you to say something!
Not that I even know exactly who’s reading… but that I’m excited to meet you! I relate to your 10 lbs or when my stomach is flat comment. I’ve got 6 more Lbs. to go to my original goal, but there might just be another 10 on top of that. I’m still not sure. Be careful with those food rewards… they’re never as fun as the shiny, sparkly ones. Let’s remember that! 
Thanks for saying hello!
What a wonderful and honest post! I’ve been at this weight loss thing for almost two years and I still struggle with emotional eating all the time. My weight has been all over the place for the past few months and it’s really hard to cope with. I feel like I’ve failed somehow or am not doing something right. I’ve already lost 80 pounds but every day I have to get up and fight the same battles.
I love how you say (casually) that you’ve lost 80 lbs! That’s so amazing, and I first hand know how much work it takes to get there! You go, girl! Think about that when you struggle… how far you’ve come. You can’t give up on you, afterall…
I read your blog everyday you are so honest and a great source of inspiration I admire you sharing the good and bad of your journey. As a person who struggles and has lost 30 pounds and 20 more to go! I think that this struggle that we all deal with is about learning to live in moderation which as people with food issues is very difficult to do. We are extreme with our eating and how we view food we need to learn to have moderation in our lives and know that food truly is not the answer to our problems. I just wanted to know I love reading your posts I look everyday on my lunch break since you have started this journey keep up the great work you are truly inspirational!
Jennifer – I am so glad you’ve enjoyed reading!!! And, I’m so excited to hear that you’re OVER HALF WAY to your goal! So awesome! I read something not too long ago that shared that the way people react to food is often the same way they react to money. If you overindulge in food, you often overindulge in life… and in spending. I think it’s an interesting argument and at times fun to examine. I think you’re right. We totally need moderation in our lives… and food is most certainly not the answer to our problems. Thanks for reading and for your kind words. xoxo
I think you know this, but I too read your blog every day…actually I look forward to reading it with my first cup of coffee in my office at work…even before I read the news, which is silly that I know what happened to you last night before I know anything else going on in the world. But I digress.
I am on Jenny and am still around the same 27 pounds down with about 40-ish to go. Your last comment really struck a cord with me, that the way we are with food is the way we are in life. I am a Gemini…and my mother always called me her all-or-nothing girl… I tend to follow good behavior with more good behavior…and bad behavior with more and more bad behavior. That mostly goes for food and working out, but definitely other areas of my life too. I loved this post. I remember where my food struggles started. It was 1973. I was three and my pediatritian told my mother to take me to a nutritionist, so she did. I was horrified when the nutritionist had pictures of fruit and asked me if I knew what they were. The crazy thing is that I was not a big kid. I wasn’t even thinking about food or weight until the nutritionist. Then I started kindergarden and I was too embarrassed to eat in front of the other kids. I would drink what was in my thermos and save the rest for after school. My teacher finally put me in the closet with a twinkie and told me not to come out until I had eaten it. Crazy start to food issues. I think that a therapist could have a ball with that one. Coming from a large Italian family, fresh fruit and produce were what the meal were focussed on. Big meals, but healthy meals. Life was definitely all about food and wine and family. After the sudden death of my husband, most of my bad behavior was in the form of vodka, but it still got me up into numbers that were unheard of. Now I am safely on Jenny, but I can still manage to find bad behaviors. I smoked a cigarette last night, just because. Isn’t that just bad? So here I am plugging along daily on Jenny. I will remember your shiny sparkly comment next time I reach for bad behaviors. I love that. Shiny sparkly. Thanks for a great post!
Cathy – It’s taken me forever to respond, but there’s so much here that resonated for me. First, thank you for making NTTC part of your morning ritual. I have a few blogs I read as I am waking up (in the dreaded 5am hour) and they get me going… It’s awesome to know that there are people that do the same with the little blog that could! I don’t get into a lot of the family issues around eating and my beliefs around food as a result of how I was brought up… but wow, there could be a WHOLE BOOK there. Will think about going there. I’m sure many of you guys will relate to my story as well as I relate to what you wrote above. PS… Throw away the cigarettes. (As a former smoker, I can say that.)