Real-life events that took place today inspire today’s blog post title….
In all certainty, I expect there may be more entries in True Story Tuesday; however, I don’t think I could ever experience again the situation that I share with you readers today. Things like this don’t really happen twice. Or at least, let’s hope they don’t!
First, let me advise you of a few things as you read today’s post:
1. All details in today’s story are 100% true. (You can’t make this sh$t up.)
2. I share my True Story Tuesday with you knowing that there MUST be someone out there on the planet that can relate to this story… and I’ll need some supportive comments on this one.
Picture it, 5:00pm, Denver….. and I’m still at work.
I had sent my boss a text message at about 4:30pm. I needed a statistic to use in a presentation, and I wasn’t sure what the right number was. Rather than respond via text, he stopped by to chat about it. So far so good.
Now, I had worn a dress to work today. I do this sometimes now… even though it was seriously unheard of when I was still a “before.” I sit a LOT at work. I do lots of reporting, create documents, and spend time sending email, etc. When you sit too long in a skirt, sometimes you need to adjust…
Oh, the things I’ve learned from reading celebrity mags… you adjust so you don’t get yourself in a compromising situation. Or so I thought…
So, I stand up from my chair to adjust, and during this time, my boss has entered my cube but is still conversing with one of my neighbors. So, he’s not entirely focused on me, but he’s close by.
So… as I go to sit down, I swear Tropical Storm Issac shows up with a HUGE WHOOOOOOOOSH of air… because as I sit down. (Yes) The air moves quickly between my thighs and as I plop down on my chair…
The LOUDEST, SONIC BOOM OF A NOISE was created.
If you have never heard this noise before, then you are just the luckiest person on the planet. I’ll give you a hint, it sounds like you are expelling a giant amount of air from your body in a most embarrassing way.
At that moment, I was really thinking that this must just be a horrible dream… or surely I just died. I mean, I couldn’t have really just made that noise. And, frankly… it was so realistic sounding… I seriously paused for a second and thought, “Was that me???”
Oh no, not me… I just had that horrible thigh clapping sound happen at the most inopportune and SILENT time in my office.
My boss continued to talk to the other person and then finally turned his attention to me. Thankfully (I am forever grateful), there was NO MENTION of the noise… but seriously, how could he have not heard it. I mean, you could have heard it on the 4th floor!!! A third co-worker joined the conversation with a big smile on his face moments later. While he smiles all the time, I just knew he came over after hearing my “outburst” to see the sh*tshow that was going down.
For a few moments, I seriously tried to vanish. Just sinking into a puddle of muck on the floor would have been perfect.
Seriously, if my boss had mentioned it (even though it was clearly a WHOOSH of air!), I may have had to resign immediately. I mean, seriously… how do you recover from a fart (reminder, mine was FAUX) moment? I don’t think it’s possible. You remember it eternally… they remember it forever. It lingers in the air…. (pun intended.) I continue working there ONLY because I know it wasn’t the real deal…
To those ladies that I reached via phone during my drive home… thank you for making me laugh through this experience. It certainly helped. I loved that Natalie knew the punchline before it came out… and that Beth said my brother says the same thing only we know it’s not just a WHOOSH of air. Jessica just laughed and laughed… but perhaps my favorite was Kris who said, “Oh my, what kind of chair do you sit in?”
My response: “A mean-spirited one… with a bad sense of humor.”
Hoping this made you smile today… Happy Tuesday, folks. Watch out for those WHOOSHes today! xoxo